“The Lord is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him. The Lord is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him. It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the Lord. It is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth. He sitteth alone and keepeth silence, because he [the Lord] hath borne it upon him.” – Lamentations 3:24-29
The longer I live, the more I realize that my body and my soul fight constantly the battle of impatience. They argue and strain my mind until I realize once again that the unspoken words pounding for predominance are losing the battle... once again patience has been thrown aside, and worry, doubt, obsession have twisted into my subconscious and conscious thoughts and decisions.
How many times does God’s Word tell us to wait on Him? To lay aside our very human nature to preoccupy and occupy every waking moment with scurried thoughts and to just... be. To just... wait. To just... listen.
More and more I long for Christ to return, and to go home with Him forever. But I realize that sometimes I reach this stage only after I have thought over and over again about a certain situation that I feel helpless in, and can do nothing but pray and wait on the hand of the Lord.
I read this morning in James 5, verses 7 and 8 to, “Be patient therefore, brethren, unto the coming of the Lord. Behold, the husbandman waiteth for the precious fruit of the earth, and hath long patience for it, until he receive the early and latter rain. Be ye also patient; stablish your hearts: for the coming of the Lord draweth nigh.”
Growing up with a farmer dad, and watching the seasons come and go – bringing rain, drought, growth, and death – I realize that farming is all about patience. There is literally nothing you can do, at a certain point, but wait... and let God bring the increase if He will. If we were to try to harvest early, because we just couldn’t wait... the fruit of the harvest would not be ready.
My kids provide a great example of this; Candi and Diego like to search for nuts that have fallen off the trees... sometimes they’re really, really green, but they still don’t want to wait... they want to open them up and get out the “fruit.” And inevitably... their faces scrunch up, and they spit out the not-yet-matured nuts, disappointed and annoyed with the results.
How many times am I like that? Maybe not with physical fruits... but what about mental and spiritual ones? Do I let God fully mature a situation, a thought, a prayer, a request... or do I jump in and try to “rescue” it? Isn’t this just another time where I am trying to be in control? Another time where my patience runs out long before God’s timing has come about... or I give it a chance to do so?
Everything I am reading, hearing, and observing in God’s Word and in nature tells me to have patience... to wait on the Lord. To be content to wait on the Lord... to recognize that His timing is always greater than mine – not sometimes, but always. And that has become my prayer every morning... that I will learn to wait on His maturation, His timing, His fruits... for none of them are of me or will be “helped” by my intervention.
And despite my faltering steps, I know that He will work... and His work will be done in this place... in His time.
These words to Jars of Clay’s song, “Worlds Apart” have been circling over and over in my mind... and I’d like to share them.
Worlds Apart
I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
with a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
To give and die
To turn away and not become
another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans
more abundant than the tears
of a world embracing every heartache
Can I be the one to sacrifice
or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow?
To love you – take my world apart
To need you – I am on my knees
To love you – take my world apart
To need you – broken on my knees
All said and done I stand alone
amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
in the mercy that covers me
Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
The battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
Take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
Take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
Take my world all apart
Take it now, take it now
And serve the ones that I despise
Speak the words I can’t deny
Watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
So wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
So steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
Take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
Take my world apart
Yesterday, as the kids and I were sitting on the porch watching the afternoon soccer game, the heavens opened up and poured forth buckets and buckets of rain that quickly drenched everyone. The CVE kids, staff, and work team danced, screamed, and laughed in response to the deluge. Being the oh-so-careful "mother" that I am - I sent Aaron, Diego, and Candi running out into the pouring rain to get drenched... they were really, really upset that they had to get all wet... ;)
I remember this specific spot in our driveway as a kid, that always filled up with water first... it made a great puddle to wade in, and later the best mud; the squish-up-between-your-toes kind of mud that just begs you to sit down and wallow in... :)
After about ten minutes of rolling, jumping, shrieking... the kids started to get a little bit cold...
... and we went inside to take warm baths... ;) 
