Por fin...

... a post!

Believe it or not, some of the non-blogging stemmed from having lost my camera a few weeks ago... the rest stemmed from a slightly more than lackadaisical attitude... ;)

This past Easter weekend, Tif and I headed to California to visit friends... and here are some of the photos from that fantabulous adventure... :)

The "journeyers"...

Tif got a fun shot of this fruit, and at left you will see the greatest face I've ever seen on a dog. It just made me smile to look at him, even though Jim did observe that one would probably go crazy with that much hair in your eyes... :)

Jim and Tif on the shore at Hermosa Beach...

A sign that I saw as we were driving and involuntarily let out an indignant "hmph"... which Tifani then proceeded to scoff about... ;)

At right, enjoying s'mores (and roasted bananas... lol) in the backyard of the Klotzle home...

(L-R) Braden, Andrew, Suzie, Joey, Ryan, me, Tif, and Jim (photographer) went to see ComedySportz... an improvisational acting troupe that works off suggestions from the crowd to "compete" against one another in improv games... good times!

Ryan atop a rock photographing me as Tif (in the background) photographs kids jumping down the side of the cliff to land in the bushes/ocean debris. No worries, Mom... Tifani didn't try it.

At right, a statue looks upward in prayer...

Walking into a structure in the Forest Lawn Memorial Park that houses The Crucifixion by Polish artist Jan Styka. The painting is the largest mounted to canvas painting in the world at a length of 195' and a heighth of 45'. We visited the park on Good Friday with the Klotzle clan...

Thomas and Jodie Klotzle (Tif and I's hosts) clasp hands through the Ring of Aldyth, a legendary symbol of happiness and devotion for lovers of all ages.

At right, Tif and Ryan walking down the beach in Malibu...

"Completemente impressed" were my words as I watched these guys on what looked like large surfboards paddle themselves through the water (standing up) to catch and ride waves... they made it look so easy... ;)

Tif demonstrating that perspectives are always, always changing...

Jim looks over the water in a creek that we walked by... it was slightly chilly at this time of year. If you can imagine... :)

We headed to Malibu on Saturday to visit Braden at Pepperdine University, and were able to catch a performance of his... here are two of the many, many faces of entertainment we discovered Braden had hidden inside him... ;)

The Altadena church has a tradition of heading up to a hilltop that overlooks L.A. and surrounding areas on Easter Sunday to have a song-service. Tif and I were able to join members and friends in song and prayer as the sun slowly rose above the blue mountains behind us and seeped across the valley below. It was absolutely beautiful.

The following is just a short clip of the surrounding view...

Passion

I've been thinking about passion a lot lately... what it is, why we have it, how we can use it - for good or bad - and what happens when we seem to run out of it. My family and friends have always described me as a passionate person - "'stick-to-it-ive-ness' and lots of fervor"as a high-school teacher laughingly described - someone who caught a passion and kept it... willing to work toward its end, no matter the consequences... even when the consequences burned. I would say that that passion has driven me to some of the best experiences in my life, as well as some of the worst.

But more than that, I have been thinking about what it means to truly, truly be passionate for and about Christ. What it means to call Him our Friend, our Savior, our True Love. To desire to see His face, to yearn for Him with our entire being, and to have that be our number one priority - not just when we need His support in times of joy or sorrow... all the time. To desire ONLY Him, above and before all else.

I make no pretensions of being at the point where Christ is the only thing I focus on. In fact, I often find that it's a half-step forward, and three steps back. Time and again He has to remind me that He really does know what's best, and that my passion is useless if it is not directed toward what He has designed. That my passion can cloud my view and interfere with the desires He wants within me. And after experiencing and losing to Satan's blatant attacks every time I turn from God's direction, I have to wonder why it is that I still somehow think that I would possibly know better. It just isn't so.

Passion without His guidance is like "careening down a raging river of death" without knowing how to swim. You might be very passionate about surviving, but odds are that without the necessary tools or knowledge... you will probably be dead.

"You've come far, and though you're far from the end/You don't mind where you are, 'cause you know where you've been" is a line from Carbon Leaf's "Let Your Troubles Roll By," and I pray that every time I fall, with God's help I can get back on my feet and praise Him for the journey; that every time I stumble and feel as though I'm at Square One, I can look back and see that He is continuing to grow me...

But is it still possible to have joy when we feel that our passion has raged out of control and left us sifting through cold and lifeless ashes? How do we keep going with "joy in the journey" when the only thing we want to do is back out, leave, dejar our hurts and escape to lick our wounds in peace?

A friend gave me a CD with a song by Pfr called, "Wait For The Sun," and a portion of the lyrics read:

Where's the joy you've known
It seems you can't remember
All the fire in your life
Has turned to cold December
But lift your head anyhow
He's won greater battles before
What makes you think He won't fight now?

What makes me think He can't bring back my joy in full? That He won't fight right alongside me? That He can't replace my desires with new ones that glorify Him even more? That "listlessness" can and will be turned into "purposefulness"?

He can, and I know He will. Even if the only joy I can find comes from knowing I am where He desires. And even though the more I learn of holiness, the further I feel from it... I recognize that only by His grace can I come to any approximation of its depths. And that is my prayer... that my passion can be rekindled, that it can burn, and that it will burn with His light, His fire, and His love... toward a life-long goal of holiness.

The rest of the Pfr lyrics read:

Love will always stay
Somewhere in your heart
And hope will never fade
Though at times it will be hard
But lift your head anyway
God's son is returning
He's bringing brighter days

(Chorus)
So wait for the sun to come out again
Storms always come but they blow away with the wind
So wait for the Son is coming again
Winds of trial blow hard
So we've got to hang on
Hang on to Him

Amen.

Amy...

... Aaron's expression says it all.

No worries, nothing's changed since you've been gone...

I would obviously choose this over every other day in the year if only to see pink and red vomited all over everything...

Shoot me now.

Ummm... hola?

Hello. Hey there. Howdy-do.

Just in case there are those of you who have forgotten, my name is Stephanie - you know, the girl who apparently finds it difficult to update this site more than once or twice a month. :)

I've been on a... let's call it a "blogging holiday," shall we? I looked on the counter today and it said that 33 people checked this blog yesterday... 33... well, I sincerely apologize to those 33 people (okay, maybe the 3 people who repeat... lol) for the terrible, terrible job I have done in keeping up-to-date.

You know what's really pathetic, though? Even I checked my blog a few days this past month... knowing that I had yet to post... very pathetic indeed.

So... (I seem to remember saying this in the past) I will try to do better. Lacking the ganas to post, and discovering that my camera flash is broken... I'm not going to make huge promises. But... the next post is already in the works! ;)

A Trip to MinnieSOta:

My Aunt Paula was kind enough this past month to give me a brief holiday, so I flew to Minneapolis for the weekend... snow, ice, temps below zero - life was perfect... lol. I still don't understand how someone who loves cold weather as much as I do is living in Mexico... but maybe not being in the cold weather constantly is what makes it so attractive... ;)

AP and I inside her "kitchen-for one"!

The front of AP's house. I believe all the houses in this neighborhood were built in the 1930s (I hope I remember that correctly, AP), and the look is incredibly charming.
The maintenance... perhaps a little more difficult... :)

I knew that Tif and Chel had planned on coming up to see me (only an 8-hour drive, which for the Kansas crew of travelers is absolutely nothing...), and figured out from some comments that were "let slip" that Dad and Mom were coming, too... so here's a picture of Dad (without overalls, I might add) looking quite "suave and sophisticated" in the snow... ;)

Outside on AP's snow-covered deck.

This mini-trip was a fabulous getaway, and I'm so thankful for AP's generosity! And who knows the next time I'll get to see snow, so I really appreciated getting a little bitty taste of "cold weather." :)

Dear Barb and Stub...

... I figure it's never too early to begin indoctrinating! ;)

We're working on learning "Rock Chalk Jayhawk"...

In other news, Monday night during our New Year's Eve celebration, I came out of the kitchen bodega to see that everyone was circled up in prayer to welcome in the new year. However, a small miscreant who was thoroughly enjoying his candy stash caught my eye... and so I caught him on video! Enjoy... :)

Christmas Goodness...

... has been "all around" as Billy Mack sings, and through programs, parties, gifts, and - most importantly - the Christmas story of our Savior's birth... life has been good. :)

Here are some fun events that happened this Christmas:

The Christmas Program

Above, Gloria and I's Sunday School class is pictured in their costumes after performing brilliantly (who cares if Joseph arrived late, Mary was almost espoused to a different man, the angels forgot to fly, the shepherds lost some important clothing, and the burro's ears had some serious "flopping" issues? It was beautiful... lol).

All the classes performed, and it was fun to see the parents and families of the children (some who came for the first time) so excited to watch their kids involved in the program.

Candi's "Christmas dress"... which she hated... lol.

This girl is not all about the fancy attire... jeans, a t-shirt, and her Dora the Explorer sneakers are definitely more her style... ;)

Christmas morning, I left the boys at the breakfast table to go do some last-minute gift checking, and soon heard a knock and lots of giggles. I opened the door to see all three - Aaron, Poncho, and Diego - with their pyjamas rolled up into short shorts! They continued the "show" by parading around the living room and performing amazing acrobatic feats... like jumping over Candi.

Yes... it's makeup. Some of the girls received "make-up" kits from school for Christmas gifts. So... this has resulted in lots and lots of face-painting.
Admittedly... Poncho and Ezequiel (pictured above, quite ecstatic with their "new" look) have been first in line to be decorated almost every time... lol.

After the last picture, I felt like I should also show Aaron in all his manliness... displaying his tool belt that he got at school from his teacher. And yes... he is this tough. ;)

Our house (Jenna and I's kids) had a small celebration Christmas day in the back room, and this is the whole kidlet crew: (l-r) Candi, Jazany, Julisa, Ezequiel, Diego, Poncho, and Aaron.

Toys, toys, everywhere... the kids received some really fun gifts, and here they are with a few:

Top left: Poncho got a hooded sweatshirt that he told me he was never going to take off. This theory was tested at bathtime when I literally had to peel him out of it, ignoring the protests that he really, truly wasn't that dirty!

Top right: Diego holds up his Barrel of Monkeys for the camera. Since this picture, the monkeys have escaped the barrel, and show up in such random places as the utensils drawer, the fridge, and my shoes.

Bottom left: Candi and her sunglasses, which still do not hold as much appeal as Amy's sunglasses in my room... I don't know why, Amy, but she just can't wrap her mind around the fact that they truly aren't hers!!!

Bottom right: Aaron with his new Memory game (the one in the comedor was down to only six matching pairs... not much of a challenge in that, right?) and a tiger balloon from your gift box, Mom. The kids were "super" excited about the balloons... ;)

And yes... I am now a viejita ("old woman") at the advanced age of 24. Almost decrepit, really. Above you see Jenna's creation of a tree cake for my birthday... and yes, for those who need help, the implication is that I am hugging it. Sheesh. ;)

I told my four kids that I was now a viejita, and they got really worried.

[Worried frowns]: "Estefania... why are you an old woman?"

[Laughing]: "I was just joking... you guys don't have to worry about it."

[Still frowning, and slightly annoyed]: "Why did you say it, then?"

"Ummmm..."

So... apparently old age jokes don't work with those 7 and under... ;)

Muchos Eventos...

... means that this post involves lots of pictures and not so much of the writing. However, when so much time passes and so many events occur... writing about all of them would give me a headache and the rest of you strained eyes. So let's not... ;)

Part 1: LAS SISTAS and friends...

... who visited this past week with the Purdue team. As always, it's amazing having family here (and amazingly draining since bedtime was - always - midnight or later... usually later). I never fully realize how incredible the interaction is between my sisters and I until after their gone and how I can take that for granted... nevertheless, I am so thankful for our time together, and for the amazing women that they are.

In the plaza.

(l-r) Poncho, Brady Strahm, Chel, Tif, Diego, Aaron, Jason Kaeb, Dan Leman, and Candi. We headed downtown for churros one night and to see the Christmas decorations.


Dan and Candi...

Vandalism at its finest: Tifani lifted Diego up so that he could reach one of the pinecones around the base of the Christmas tree in town. He proceeded to haul it around, and definitely would have taken it home if his mean caretaker hadn't intervened... :)

Candi likes to plop down wherever she is. I decided that this should be my philosophy as well, but then rejected the idea since I could never look as adorable... ;)

In this photo, she plopped down and then stuck her feet up on Tif's lap... ready for her massage or something... lol.

(l-r) Nick (a friend of Braden's from school), Braden Mogler, Tif, Brady, and Chel on the edge of the fountain in the plaza.

Part 2: THE RANCH

Friday morning after saying goodbye to the Purdue team, the CVE kids, some of the mentors, and a few friends headed out to the ranch to enjoy a day of fun and games. We started off with a mad game of Capture the Flag, ate a sandwich lunch, and then headed to the river bed to play in the sand and roast marshmallows. It was a beautiful day, and many thanks to the workers who made it happen...

Walking down the river bed...

Tifani leaping over the pole... we had some amazing high-jumpers, and then "benders" as Limbo was also played.

Julissa and I guarded the flag for our team... bien intimidating... ;)

At left, Diego and Chelsie. At right, Magda poses after shoving the rest of her orange in her mouth...

Jason and Poncho pose for the camera...

All the "battle wounds" after Capture the Flag... I'm pretty sure David wins the prize for wicked cool cuts...

Uriel decided the roasting stick needed to be used for a different purpose...

David and Eli "enjoy" their lunch...

At left, Jose shows how Limbo really should be played. At right, Katie demonstrates her "hippie" style...

Top: Michelle, Lupita, and Armando give back massages while waiting in line for lunch...

Bottom: A field view of Capture the Flag...

Top: (l-r) Bill, Ryan Schick, Carlos Soto, Tyler Schick, and Jesse Rufener joined us at the ranch for some of the games and food...

Bottom: The food line with Jose, Dan, and Jason manning the table...

Part 3: Thanks...

... to all of you who have prayed for Pollito and our CVE family. I know I haven't posted for a while, and that the last post was about him leaving. Amazingly enough, God has provided a relationship between his mother and this place... she text messages once or twice a week with greetings for everyone here, and a week or so ago I got to talk to Pollito for a little bit on the phone. God is good, and even where there's pain... He can make beauty.

Borrowed Time

Tomorrow morning part of my heart is going to come strutting out the front door in his Thomas the Tank Engine shoes, ears sticking out, short arms and legs pumping, probably yelling some indistinguishable command at those following behind, while bustling up to lay claim to my hand, and then flashing an insatiable grin, ready to take on the world.

And I can hear a quiet click as my heart breaks in two.

Someone once told me that every time you laugh in life, you will have just as many tears... apparently I'm making up for years and years of laughing right now, but that's okay. And it's okay because I know that Pollito is in God's hands. I can't change His perfect timing, nor His perfect will. I can feel, I can weep, I can wish... but ultimately Pollito is His child, and it is His love that is more amazing than I can even imagine, and His care that will wrap this child in arms of love.

This little guy will leave a hole in CVE... just like those kids and staff who have gone before. And even as I ask myself, "Why do we do this?" I know it's not about us... it's about Him, and following Him without questions, even when everything within us cries out to resist. And if He wants us here, wants us to give our hearts away countless times only to start all over again with every new child... then so be it.

I will love, I will hurt, and I will love again and again.

And to Pollito... like the Mark Schultz song says, I've "... learned how to hold you when you cried/ I learned how to let you be strong/ Learned how to calm you in the dark/ Learned how to listen with my heart/ I learned how to watch you grow/ But how will I learn to let go?"

Only with the Father's strength... not my own.

Come and sit here by my side

For our time will soon be gone

And these tears I cannot hide

For it's your turn to move on

I know you were never really mine

You were given to me

On borrowed time

Now I shall stay here on my own

For I know you've been

Called home...

Now I know I must be strong
For what else can I do

Won't be easy to go on

For I must learn to live

Without you

I know that life cannot be bought

And there's nothing I should fear

For you'll go no further than God

And God is very near...

Now it's time to let go
It's just part of the plan

So many answers we don't know

But some day we'll understand

Someday...

*Edited lyrics from Leahy's "Borrowed Time"

A Mexican Charlie Brown Christmas...

Saturday mornings all the kids have different "jobs" to do, and Magda and Jaqui were my helpers in the casa. We had been trying to round all the kids up to go inside, but couldn't find Diego. Calling his name, we looked in all the regular places (you know... under buckets, climbing trees, wrapped in blankets and stuffed into wheelbarrows... things like that), until suddenly... I heard a small voice yelling my name. I turned around and here came Diego... dragging a tree limb twice his size, and smiling with the success of his tree-capturing adventure. I asked him if the tree was for Christmas in our house, and he replied, "of course," as though I obviously should have known that his morning expedition as man of the house was to bring back the best Christmas tree ever.

So... this is how we come to have a Charlie Brown Christmas tree. My second one, actually. My senior year of college, I convinced my housemates to let me decorate a dead bush I found on the side of the road with popcorn, ornaments, and blinking lights... I see this year being a beautiful replication! ;)

Of course, I'll probably have to nix the popcorn. The kidlets might find that just a little too tempting...

After the tree made it safely into the house (I write "safely" since it about wiped out Pollito and Candi as everyone tried to fit through the front door at once), the kids began to "decorate" with teddy bears. Magda and Jaqui informed me that this was a good time to take Christmas pictures, so what could I do but whip out the camera??? ;)

p.s. Happy Birthday, Dad! Now that you're 50, you have an excuse for being weird... :)