Recap #4 -- March 2010 (it's a long one!)

March started with a honky-tonk twist as the grade-schoolers gave their Spring Program at San Ignacio. Nereida and Aaron's class had to dress up as cowboys and cowgirls to dance a jig. They were cute... but it was even cuter watching Aaron be seriously uncomfortable dancing in front of the crowd. Apparently, dancing in our living room is fine, but not for live audiences... ;)

I walked into the kitchen one morning to hear giggles (Candi) and excited whispers (Diego) from behind the curtain rod. I looked over and there was the perfect "stage" for the kids' puppet show... which amazingly enough consisted of...

"Hi."

"Hi."

"How are you?"

"I am well. And you?"

"I'm well."

"Candi... it's your turn!"
"Oh... [lots of giggles and snorts] Hola!"

"Hola."

And the whole thing repeats itself... the best play dialogue I've heard yet! :)

We were so fortunate to have Jon and Amy Gerst come down in March, too. The kids love them -- let me reemphasize that... the kids LOVE them! They especially love being thrown up in the air by Jon -- I can't imagine that his back does so great after the fiftieth (I'm not exaggerating) toss into the air!

And it was great timing for their being here because...

... this little guy came! [I can't get the pic to turn, so... sorry!]

I woke up one Friday morning with this incredible feeling of peace, and I thought... "Wow. Thank You, Lord. I have no idea what you have in store for today, but I praise You for Your presence that is so, so evident around me." The morning continued, and that peaceful feeling continued... right up to and through the point when Bill came over and asked me how I felt about taking a newborn.

What else could I say? God's been preparing my heart all morning for this? :)

So I said yes, and six hours later this little guy showed up.

Little is an inadequate descriptor. Bill had told me it was a newborn, five days old, but we had no idea that he was a preemie -- and a preemie that weighed less than two pounds. I came out of the house when they arrived, and saw this look on Bill's face that I couldn't understand... until they handled me that weightless bundle of blankets and I realized...

Realized that my teddy bear was bigger and weighed about the same as this precious soul.

When we finally got him in the house, unwrapped the bundle and looked at him, I have never felt more inadequate and unworthy in my life. He looked like an 80-year-old man in the tinest, most shriveled human body I have ever seen. In pictures, magazines, you-name-it.

Jodi Beer (who arrived in March and became the newest member of our Casa Rota household -- caretaking with Jenna), Amy, Kristy Leman and I huddled around this child and lifted him up to the Father -- knowing totally and completely that any healing would have to come from Him, and just praising God that He had a purpose in all of it.

The days continued -- with a feeding schedule that tried to get an ounce (if he was drinking) of milk down him every [I don't remember for sure] three hours or so. Some days were better, most were worst.

Amazingly enough (or not really amazing at all when you think about how God sustains each and every one of us, and how He provides when we realize we have nothing left to offer), I wasn't tired. I felt... spent. But in a way that wasn't draining at all. And the other kids... they were absolutely delighted to have this tiny little boy in our family. They loved him totally... and were super-protective and prayerful for his healing...


He didn't have a name. And it seemed like... we were going to be the one's to give him one. My mind immediately jumped to a story I love; the story of Josiah (Josias in Spanish), the King who hears the Word of God read for the first time, and begins immediately to remove the idols and blasphemous practices (and people) that have infiltrated the country. The Word records in 2 Kings 23:25, "And like unto him was there no king before him, that turned to the Lord with all his heart, and with all his soul, and with all his might, according to all the law of Moses; neither after him arose there any like him."

So his name became Josias.

There were so many moments when God pulled this child from near-death; so many times when he wasn't eating, he was dropping even more weight, he wasn't responsive, etc. But God had His hand upon this child from the beginning... He was supposed to live.



Two stories: One night, Josias had been eating well, but he was so cold. We had heard from someone (maybe one of the doctors who helped counsel us...) that keeping him tucked in close to our bodies would be the best heat source he could have. So, I went into the living room and laid that cold, shriveled skin next to mine, and wrapped us both tightly in a blanket. He was slightly restless at first, and then suddenly calmed and I could feel the faint, tiny thump, thump, thump of his heart... beating the same as mine. I wondered... is this what it feels like to have a child inside of you? Flesh of your flesh, and bone of your bone?

God, You created this child, his innermost parts... You formed Him in his mother's womb. And here I was... a recipient, a vessel, an instrument... sharing and rejoicing in every breath and beat of life within this little ravaged body. God, You "... maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the Lord." (Psalm 113:9)

The second story: We had gone for a week or so with Josias' new feeding schedule, vitamins, etc. and he had been gaining a little weight -- praise God! But then, after a doctor visit on Wednesday, he started vomiting up after every feeding. And with a tiny body like that, any amount that you're losing is bad news. Wednesday was okay, Thursday bad, and Friday really bad. Friday night/Saturday morning I couldn't get anything down him, and I told Jodi I felt like we needed to get him in to see a specialist/pediatrician pronto. Thankfully, Dan & Tami Coughlin (who arrived in January and had had their baby boy Kaeb a few weeks earlier) had given me the name and number of their pediatrician whom they really liked. I called him early, early Saturday morning, and he (rather than just giving us directions over the phone) wanted to see him -- Praise God!

So, we wrapped Josias up, took him in to town, and found out that he was doing worse than we had imagined. Second-degree starvation, dropping body weight, etc. He was so weak that he couldn't suck any more from the bottle, and we were going to have to try with an eye-dropper/medicine-dropper. Jodi and I left (so thankful for the doctor's expertise although more concerned), went to pick up medicine, and headed back to CVE where we were supposed to have a picnic and supposedly have Josias' first day outside with other people -- it was not to be.

I tried to get him to drink something, anything... and he wouldn't. He was completely and totally lethargic, and as I sat in my room, holding this small life, I could feel it dwindling... literally waning in my hands. Jodi was there and Kristy, and I told them I felt like we needed to get the elders and pray (as in James 5:14-15: "Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord: And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him."). Seth came in, and he and Jodi knelt beside me while we all three placed our hands upon this child knowing that it was only through God's power that he could be healed. And while we prayed, I felt strength returning to that little boy... and he began to nurse! He not only drank a few sips, he drank the entire 2 oz. bottle!!! And didn't vomit afterward...

It was a miracle. Right in front of us. I have never seen anything like it.

After awhile I went outside for a break while Jodi took over, and Seth asked me if he had vomited. When I told him no, he just shook his head, and said, "Of course not. Should we expect anything less?"

Our God is good. Our God is powerful.

And He would have been just as good, and just as powerful even if Josias hadn't lived.

Our God is sovereign.

The following Sunday Josias started going downhill again, and we made the decision to take him to Hermosillo (the capital of the state of Sonora) to the children's hospital there, where he could be monitored more securely. Nicole Knobloch, Josias, and I headed down (did I mention that my wonderful sister Chelsie came down to help for a week and that she was amazing -- along with Jodi -- in caring for my other kids while I was gone...!) Sunday night, and got there about 1:30 a.m. We waited, got through check-in and after another long while, Josias finally had a place in one of the incubators where they let me come into the room to stay for a short while. Parents in the intensive care ward for infants are only allowed two hours per day to visit: 10-11 in the morning, and 5-6 at night. Nicole and I slept in the car, then I was able to go up and stay with Josias for that hour visiting period the next day. We knew that his case would most likely be taken over by the DIF in Hermosillo, and that it was probably the last time I was going to get to see him.

I reached in through those two holes to touch a baby encased in plastic, breathing through tubes, that tiny diaper his only covering... and I cried as he turned -- lifted his shoulders and shifted his head -- toward the sound of my voice. It didn't matter that it was my voice, or if it had been the voice of any other person... he was responding! Praise God!

We left Hermosillo, and part of my heart stayed there. And my heart rejoiced as we heard that he had finally gained enough weight (a week later) to go through surgery -- and that he came out of it perfectly fine! A check-up when he turns six to change the shunt (I think that's what it's called?) in his head, and otherwise he was doing just fine! Prayer is a powerful, powerful tool.

And now part of my heart lives in Chiapas, Mexico, where this little child, this preemie, this "most-certainly-brain-damaged" but "he's totally fine" wonder boy -- has been reunited with family who never knew he existed and who had lost all touch with the mother for the last ten years! I pray that God uses him in a powerful way one day...

So that was a really long update, but it was one of the hardest to write. I've never had a life so dependent upon me ("me" meaning Jodi and I and all the others who helped us out), that you are watching and counting every breath. Difficult as it seems, and selfish as it sounds (and is) I felt so... lifeless after he had gone. As though living every moment with him as his last had suddenly made everyday life so mundane when I wasn't able to provide for him -- and I lost sight of the fact that I wasn't the one providing for him in the first place. Or healing him. Or watching over him. Or guiding every step of the way.

This vessel may at times be a selfish, stubborn, possessive one -- but I thank and praise God that He even let me be a vessel He could use to accomplish HIS purpose in the life of this child. And I pray that He will use me again... it is worth the heartache of separation to rejoice in knowing that you are able to be His hands, feet, and aching heart on this earth... if only for a short while.